Ok so for the first time in a long time, I actually felt attractive last night. Even though my love was hanging over my jeans, which were sticking to my ever growing thighs. I felt pretty. I even caught a few glances my way, which made me feel good and yes they were by people my age. I know that i shouldn't like it when other guys look at me. But it helps me to know that I am marketable and that if my boyfriend ever reached his senses and found someone better that i have a chance to survive. I hate getting ready. I wish that there was a button that I could push to make myself look good. Like right now it takes me forever to get ready, OK like a half hour, but that is still way too long. I am not the typical girl who likes to take forever, it drives me insane. I think that sometimes i avoid the shower just so i don't have to spend time getting ready. My hair takes forever to dry and i would much rather just put it up, but i feel prettier with it down. It is not too long and not too thick, there just is a lot of it. I think I would rather throw myself on the floor than spend time getting ready. I guess that I am just way to lazy to be a pretty preppy girl. Oh well i will survive. Also i think it has to do with the fact that I have been dating my boyfriend for like 4 years so he knows what i look like and he says he doesn't care if i am in my pj's or just an old t-shirt. I wonder if he is lying about that and he wishes i would like nicer more often. Well, then my advice would be to tell me that I am beautiful more often when i do make an effort to look good. I only try to look good for you, so that you will be proud to be my boyfriend. I remember when i was thinner and prettier he used to seem so happy to be with me and that he felt lucky to be with someone like me. I am not exactly sure that he still feels that way. I hope he does because i still feel lucky to have him and such a good looking guy at that. I know that i am pretty much complaining, but isn't this the point of these things to get out my feelings. Sometimes looking at my emotions in written form helps me to realize when i am over-analyzing everything. Well, have to get back to getting ready. Blah...
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