Im sitting in my room on my computer trying to type what I feel but I cant because I am totally in tune with my musical soul at this moment. Panic at the Disco speaks to me like a greek god trying to touch my inner being. Besides all my stress and anxiety I am actaully in a good mood. I think it is time that I take control of my life because I hate that everyone sees me as an anxious person who cant control her self. I am happy sometimes and i want people to see that side of me more often. There is more to me than my nervous bones and anxiety stricken personality. Random but I am listening to Bone thugs and Harmony and it brings me back about 10 years to when we were in the trailer and I thought i was so cool to be listening to my older sisters rap music. I was so cool and so lucky back then. It is kind of hard to think back to those times when stress was something that other people experienced. I was carefree and young and didnt quite frankly give a shit about anything. I am a sophomore in collge and it scares me because I feel so old. Imagine how I am going to feel in 9 years when I will be turning 30. Can i ever feel like i did in my youth when i was carefree and truly happy. Now that brings up a question can people really know what happiness is if we dont have those hard times to compare it to. I dont really know how to answer this question. Because with Albert and I we have hurt each other so many times but we are so strong together. I love him so much and I think that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But i doubt my feelings for him because he does not feel the same way as me. He loves me but is not ready to think about marriage. I know it is in no offense to me but it still hurts so much. I know that I cant rush him either directly or indirectly. I love him and the last thing i want to do is rush him or make him leave. Wow it will be 4 years in 5 days. I cant believe that i really cant that i have been so lucky to have him for this long. I know that I am lucky i just need to show it more often. I am singing again and i love it. But yet again I am the least trained in the group but I will make it somehow and it is because people believe in me now i just need to believe in me. I think i also need to go back to therapy to help me deal with my anxiety or least the anxiety that I show to everyone. Things that I like about myself right now are:
The size of my breasts and new/old hair color. Things I dont like : my pouchy stomach, miss tempie arms, my thick thighs that like to touch each other and my cellulite ass. I mean it is getting pretty darn scary. Well rachel quit bitching and do something about it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment